


Earning Your Cries

by forgetcanon



Series: and love was their savior [5]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Post-Leviathan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetcanon/pseuds/forgetcanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You ready to talk?” Mission asked, sitting sideways on the bench next to Vasha’s, feet in the gap between them.</p><p>Vasha tinkered with the dismantled hand in her lap. “Well, I’ve decided that, whoever Revan was and whoever this person I remember being called Vasha Dahnika was, the things I’ve done since boarding the Endar Spire are most likely real.”</p><p>Mission frowned. “Wait, that was a question?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Earning Your Cries

Vasha hadn’t been sleeping well lately. She never really did, claiming chronic insomnia and unpleasant nightmares. She’d told Mission and Carth about a few of the funnier ones, like being chased by endless Vogga the Hutts with lightsabers. They had always really worried Bastila, though. Mission used to think the way the younger Jedi doted on Vasha was kind of sweet.

Nowadays, memories like that were warped.

Mission had been more-or-less assigned the position of Ambassador to the Land of Vasha Dahnika, now that Carth refused to look at her and the rest of the ship could only get her to respond half the time. Mission found that their methods- cajoling, threatening- weren’t nearly as effective as simply putting some food into Vasha’s hands and letting her decide what to do with it, or telling her that it was her turn on watch and leaving her with the information.

When Vasha was ready to talk, she’d find someone to talk to. Mission just hoped it would be soon.

“It’s late.” Mission kept her voice quiet. Her footsteps made no noise on the deck as she entered the common area.

Vasha looked up from her tinkering. The other day she’d managed to convince HK to shut off for repairs. True to her word, she was doing repairs, but they were not _strictly_ repairs the homicidal robot had to be shut down for. Maybe she wanted the space. The homicidal robot was jubilant at being returned to his rightful master at last. Right now she had an arm in her lap, the hand’s individual components occupying the seats on either side of her.

“It is,” Vasha agreed. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Mission raised an eyebrow. “I never had one.”

Vasha’s gaze went distant. “I... have no idea if I ever did. Revan went through the Jedi Order in the traditional way, didn’t she? So... I probably did.” Her shoulders rose and fell in a tiny shrug. “Another question to ask Bastila.”

“You ready to talk?” Mission asked, sitting sideways on the bench next to Vasha’s, feet in the gap between them.

Vasha tinkered with the dismantled hand in her lap. “Well, I’ve decided that, whoever Revan was and whoever this person I remember being called Vasha Dahnika was, the things I’ve done since boarding the Endar Spire are most likely real.”

Mission frowned. “Wait, that was a question?”

Vasha gave Mission a look. “I just discovered that everything I remember from before the Endar Spire was planted in my mind by a bunch of people who are now most likely dead, Mish. Forgive me if my reality is a bit fragile right now.”

Mission didn’t know quite what to say to that. Fortunately, Vasha wasn’t done. She slapped a few pieces of HK’s hand together before she said, “You know, I used to have a boyfriend. Or- Well, I remember having a boyfriend. Why did the Jedi decided that I needed to have had a boyfriend? I don’t know. Authenticity, I guess. It makes more sense for me to have had one then not.

“I’m getting off the point. This boyfriend and I ran a spice-smuggling operation along the Corelian Run for a year or two, before he died. A Sith patrol shot us down. Killed him, gave me my impressive scars.” She gestured vaguely to her left side, where most of her mess of scars were hidden.

Vasha made a gesture with her tools, outlining something. “We lived in this tiny little freighter. There wasn’t much space for us, once we loaded on the goods. I just... Every time I picked up his caffa mug or looked over at where he used to sit, I suddenly remembered. _Oh, that’s right, Jaeta’s dead_.”

She trailed off for a second, studying the pieces in her lap and blinking hard. Mission scrambled for something to say that didn’t come off as pithy- she’d heard the whole range after Taris. “Vasha... that’s awful.”

“Not really,” Vasha said, her voice hoarse. “Anyway, I’m not Jolee. This story actually has a point.” She waited for Mission to acknowledge the joke with a weak laugh before she continued. “Now, it’s the same way as back then. I remember Jaeta, but then I think, _no, he didn’t actually exist._ Or if he did, these are some other woman’s memories, and he would never recognize my face. I remember visiting a port and then I remember that I’ve never even been there, not as I am now.

“I’m mourning myself, of all things.” Vasha bit her lip, finally looking up at Mission. “Does that make sense?”

Mission gave her a look and answered before she thought about it. “Are you expecting me to know?”

Vasha’s laugh was sharp. “I guess not. It would be nice if someone around here had answers for me.” She shook her head. “Well, that’s another reason to get Bastila back as soon as possible, huh? So I can ask her whether I’m cobbled together from other people’s memories or if the Jedi just made things up. Maybe they just told my mind a direction to go in and let me make up my own memories. The human mind is a terribly powerful thing, you know.”

“Maybe,” Mission agreed. “I just… You know we care about you, right? Whoever you are. Wherever these memories came from."

Vasha’s eyes went shiny and she blinked hard. Her voice squeaked when she said, “I know. Thanks."

“Aw, hey.” Mission didn’t know how to do this. Lord knows Griff only hugged her if he’d hurt her. But a hug seemed to be in order, so Mission dumped HK’s arm on the ground and wrapped her arms around Vasha. “Come on, it’ll be- it’ll be all right. We’ll get Bastila back, and kick Malak from one end of the galaxy to the other, and then we’ll go yell at the Jedi for good measure."

Vasha’s shoulders weren’t shaking from laughter. Mission kept babbling until Vasha calmed down.

“Thanks,” Vasha said at last. She turned away from Mission and reached for an oil rag. Mission didn’t mention the oil she smeared on her nose when she wiped it. “I… I needed that."

Mission smiled and shrugged. “Yeah, well. You just got tortured a few days ago, and all that. I think you’ve earned a few cries."

Vasha’s giggle was wet. “I’ll let you know the next time I need one."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the bulk of this almost a year ago.
> 
> Honestly, Mission Vao is pretty much the reason why Vasha doesn't just go dark side after the Revanlation. Her friendship and faith are really important.


End file.
